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savannah rose

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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2013|04:53 pm]
savannah rose
Lately I have found myself getting angry over something that happened in July of last year. Not really angry angry, but the type of angry where you find yourself rehashing the argument with yourself, playing both roles, on your drive to work in the morning. I can think of so many better things to say now. And it's hard to realize you were just a piece on a chess board full of non-matching pieces. When I removed my chess piece, I got replaced with another one who does nothing more or less than serve it's purpose in the game. What difference did it make when I put in the extra effort? None apparently. You would think it would make me give up trying, but it doesn't. I don't know how to put forward any less effort than my best when it comes to work. Working out on the other hand, I struggle to make AN effort period. Why do I consider working for other people so much more important than working for my own benefit? Because I sit in a chair all day? I feel saddened by that thought, but it's probably true. It's more of a mental effort, working, than a physical one, working out. Strange. How hard is it to be healthy, really? Once I start, it will soon come natural. I read on the internet it takes 21 days to form a habit. Three weeks?! Easy, I think? I'm inspired by so many things these days. Imagine how I'd feel if I was healthy. Infinite? Probably. More happy? Certainly! I know what I have to do, now I just have to do it. Challenge accepted. A friend of mine passed away last week and I can't really comprehend it yet. I say the words "my friend passed away" but they don't sink in like they should. "What's wrong today, you seem quiet?" My friend passed away. "Oh, do you want to go home? What can I do for you? Etc" Somewhere inside my mind there is this box marked "DEATH OF FRIENDS" - I receive the information and it gets sorted right into that box. I don't know when I'll deal with it. Maybe I've just become numb to it. How many friends can die before you stop feeling the pain so sharply? One? Two? Three? Five? Twelve? Twenty..? Rain is coming this weekend and I couldn't be more excited.
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(no subject) [Sep. 21st, 2012|06:11 pm]
savannah rose
[Current Mood |nostalgicinspired]

I've been thinking a lot about this Saturn in Libra transit, along with the impending "launch" of my Libra 2.0, and it is only recently that I'm starting to feel some sort of understanding and appreciation. So much has changed since 2009 - and is still changing. It seems as though nearly everything I thought I had "figured out" in my life has been knocked down and is slowly being rebuilt. I have no idea where my life is going and I'm learning to be ok with that. I'm starting to understand that these changes are necessary.

In 2009, I talked my way into my dream job, moved into my first apartment with a friend who I had a void-filling-non-romantic-pseudo-relationship with, fell in love and had an affair with an unavailable co-worker and began having issues with my car. This year, I quit my job in the middle of July, which will more than likely result in me losing my apartment before the year is up. I had the "who are we kidding" talk with my roommate and we have since both started dating other people. I have finally moved on from, and severed ties with, the unavailable co-worker and I'm about to resolve the issues with my car. Is it mere coincidence that all this has happened in the same three years? I don't think so.

Hindsight is a strange and fascinating thing. I thought I had been happy for the last three years, but now I can see that I was really just complacent. Although I have no idea where I'm headed in nearly all areas of my life, I certainly know where I'm not anymore. I'm not in the state of complacency. I'm not at a job where I constantly feel undervalued, unappreciated and not listened to. I'm not in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who is unavailabe or who doesn't "get me". I'm not feeling "stuck" anymore.

Yes, it's sometimes scary. Yes, I sometimes feel my strength waiver. And yes, I sometimes still worry that all of these changes might not be enough to put me where I need to be for a successful transition into Libra 2.0, but I've come a long way from where I used to be and I really am starting to feel different.

I'm in my cocoon of change and I can't wait to emerge a butterfly. Thank you Saturn.
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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2012|05:37 pm]
savannah rose

When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

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(no subject) [May. 26th, 2012|09:47 pm]
savannah rose

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life" -JK Rowling

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hawaii [Apr. 16th, 2012|07:09 pm]
savannah rose

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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2012|08:02 pm]
savannah rose
When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it's gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon
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(no subject) [Mar. 28th, 2012|09:09 pm]
savannah rose

give me a sign

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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2012|09:24 am]
savannah rose

happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2012|09:48 pm]
savannah rose

I don't want the memories

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monday monday monday [Mar. 5th, 2012|08:36 pm]
savannah rose

Lately I have been feeling like everything is falling apart. Falling down around me. Dropping like stars from the sky but way less beautiful. It's incredible though because, somehow, through everything, my outlook remains sunny. Sometimes things have to fall apart so that better things can fall together.

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(no subject) [Feb. 29th, 2012|03:37 pm]
savannah rose

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(no subject) [Feb. 28th, 2012|09:29 pm]
savannah rose

I always dreamed we'd turn into something. And boy, we're 'something' alright. Little did I know that the word "something" would eventually come to mean strangers.

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dimanche [Feb. 26th, 2012|03:32 pm]
savannah rose

what does love mean anyway?

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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2012|09:32 pm]
savannah rose

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