||[Sep. 21st, 2012|06:11 pm]
I've been thinking a lot about this Saturn in Libra transit, along with the impending "launch" of my Libra 2.0, and it is only recently that I'm starting to feel some sort of understanding and appreciation. So much has changed since 2009 - and is still changing. It seems as though nearly everything I thought I had "figured out" in my life has been knocked down and is slowly being rebuilt. I have no idea where my life is going and I'm learning to be ok with that. I'm starting to understand that these changes are necessary.
In 2009, I talked my way into my dream job, moved into my first apartment with a friend who I had a void-filling-non-romantic-pseudo-relationship with, fell in love and had an affair with an unavailable co-worker and began having issues with my car. This year, I quit my job in the middle of July, which will more than likely result in me losing my apartment before the year is up. I had the "who are we kidding" talk with my roommate and we have since both started dating other people. I have finally moved on from, and severed ties with, the unavailable co-worker and I'm about to resolve the issues with my car. Is it mere coincidence that all this has happened in the same three years? I don't think so.
Hindsight is a strange and fascinating thing. I thought I had been happy for the last three years, but now I can see that I was really just complacent. Although I have no idea where I'm headed in nearly all areas of my life, I certainly know where I'm not anymore. I'm not in the state of complacency. I'm not at a job where I constantly feel undervalued, unappreciated and not listened to. I'm not in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who is unavailabe or who doesn't "get me". I'm not feeling "stuck" anymore.
Yes, it's sometimes scary. Yes, I sometimes feel my strength waiver. And yes, I sometimes still worry that all of these changes might not be enough to put me where I need to be for a successful transition into Libra 2.0, but I've come a long way from where I used to be and I really am starting to feel different.
I'm in my cocoon of change and I can't wait to emerge a butterfly. Thank you Saturn.